Compare.
I seriously hate the word,
COMPARE.
Compare and compare and compare and compare.
Urghhhhhhhhhhhh. Like fuck.
Mum
always compare me with others.
It's like, "look at the
whosoever ah, pple so hardworking, so smart then you leh? ask u study like ask u go die liddat."
And then she'll go, "look at the
whosoever, pple score so well for their exams, and you? keep failing and failing and your results are always so low."
Then, "look at big sis, so smart, look at second sis, so smart. Then you? useless."
And my mum once told me in chinese, "ren bi ren, qi si ren".
Which means, you compare a person with another, will only make the person more angry."
Which is like so true, if u guys really understand in chinese.
School, compare again.
This time round, class compare with another class.
It's like, pple have different abilities, you cant just compare like tht.
It's unfair.
Jus like, a bird can fly, and a fish can swim.
One can fly but cant swim and one can swim but cant fly, so what's the point of comparing?
For students, some pple are just slower than others rite.
Maybe some are lazier, some are just born smarter and brighter.
The more i say, the more i'm boiled up.
FUCK.
I hate my mum at times for blaming everything on me.
Everything tht goes wrong in my family i'll be the first suspect to be accused.
They'll go, "peiling lah, peiling lah, peiling do one." (peiling is my chinese name)
It's like, anything tht goes wrong, i'll defintely be the one tht's at fault.
I'm always at fault!
Sometimes, i'll just ignore them or i'll flare up and argue at them.
Being the youngest doesnt mean i cant talk back, if i'm right, i'll argue for my rights.
Anyway, mum told me this few weeks ago.
She said, "if you cant get past N lvls this year, i'll just send you to ITE." "i don't wanna waste money to pay for your examination fees another time."
She thinks tht ite will just accept those who fail N lvls?
Nah. Not so easy.
They just like to put me down, seriously.
So, it's time for me to buck up.
For real.
Bcos of fear.
School today?
It's was like fuck.
Boring shit.
Mrs Tai wasnt here today.
So i had a chat with eddie and jian ming.
Jianming told us his true feelings.
And i think he's gonna flare up anytime soon.
He's just tolerating for the time being.
I hope i wont see him flare up, cos i noe it really isnt gonna be pleasant.
And i'm pretty concerned for him as well, he's been under much stress.
Oh well, he's been my best friend since sec one. It's hard not to concern.
Bcos of his personal friendship matters, i pity him at times.
It's good tht i actually have a good guy-friend.
We can really understand each other.
Like, sometimes we dont noe how guys feel and guys sometimes just dont understand how we girls feel.
It doesn't feel good without any true friends.
And it feels worst when your true friends betray or left you.
Really.
Alrightyyyy.
So after school, jianming flared up or due to stress, he began to use his knuckles to hit the steel/metal window pane.
He hit once, and his knuckles bleed.
He continued doing it again.
It only bled more.
Sigh, sometimes, hitting things really do help release stress.
Or cutting myself, and please not for the trend.
Not emo k.
I once carved a star on my fore-arm using sissors and metal ruler and penknife.
And now, it left a scar.
Actually thr was another word, "rage" on my hand, but the scar has gone.
Only the star is left now.
But actually, i like it - the star-scar. Hahaha.
Okay, back to the issue.
So, kinda stopped jianming.
Then, went to have lunch with him and huiyi.
At, somewhr near my house.
Hy ate meegoreng, jm ate hokkienmee, i ate springchickenrice.
Do u even want to noe those info?
No rite, i bet.
K, so around 3 plus hy left to find roy.
Me and jianming stayed to chat for awhile.
And he began to tell me his personal problems again.
So we talk and talk and talk and chat and chat and chat.
Yada yada bla bla bla.
Tick, 1530, we left and headed home.
Tock, i'm here loh.
K, boring rite.
K, Alex Turner is so hot.
I love his voice lah.
Coheed and Cambria is a good band.
